My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
