Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
