Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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