the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you never un-have a 4some
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
