i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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