420 ftw
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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