3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
