was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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