My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
