The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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