Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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