I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
