Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am one with the molecules
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The Olympian is in my bed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
