Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
