So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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