i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
