You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
