after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
