Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
