And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
