he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize