I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
