Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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