im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
