There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
