he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am one with the molecules
COCAINE IS GR8
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
