3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
