i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
