I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
