Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
