i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
