i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
