it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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