I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize