Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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