please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
