Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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