i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
