Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
