Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
