Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When are your genitals available?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
