does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
operation harelip BJ is a go
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
