Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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