This is not my ceiling
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
