you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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