Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i would punch a child for taco bell
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize