where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
