I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's blow job season.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
