I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
