Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
