I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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