Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
