piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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