Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
