Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
