Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
