His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
