i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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