I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't deserve a penis
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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