It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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