I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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