You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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