So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
