All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
