DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My feet surprised me
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