I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
