I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
