super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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