Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize