My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
