so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
