seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
