its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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