So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
